Crisis Of The Image(s)

I am having a crisis of the image. As I was looking at 6 different images that had the same landscape shot, a rocky plateau at the center with the sky covering the top third and the ground covering the bottom third, I had to pause. Why did I take 6 images that look exactly the same? What signal did I send to my finger to click the shutter 6 times without changing my position once? Was it a thought that had a clear decision, or was it an impulse that required dissection?

I think it is the latter.

When I started taking pictures, I was obsessed with the perfect shot. I had to align everything that was in my control for that one click of the shutter that gave me exactly what I needed. The control I had was given to the environment rather than the camera. The camera was just the means to the end. The capturing device that displayed the image I saw in my mind. What I loved about that time was my clear identification of what I wanted to see in the image I produced. The bravery of decision.

Now it feels like I don’t really trust my instincts. I don’t trust the one shot that I have framed perfectly. I’m not sure what it is I doubt. Part of me feels like I just click and click and click hoping that something magical is going to happen at click number 5 but click number 5 is just as magical as click number 2.

When I take images with my iPhone it’s even worse. The amounts of storage I have wasted because I have decided to click the photo button one too many times.

I think of how an image relies so much on nothing going wrong. It relies on the camera working and the light hitting it just right. This level of control also relies on the confidence of the person taking the image. I somehow had so much confidence when I was younger, I did not question my ability of framing a beautiful image. I did my best. And that was enough for me.

I always think of how Guibert thought that once the photo is taken its beauty is diluted. The image that exists in my mind will always be better, more legible, heartfelt, and favored, than what it is I will eventually capture. So, when I take all the images I take, all of them looking exactly the same, I feel like I am subconsciously tricking myself to reaching that idealized version of what I see in my head.

Somehow, on click number 6, the light, setting, shape, and whatever is in the image, will hit the sensor so perfectly, that that will be the image of my desire.

To confront this own distrust is heartwarming. In practice, I may have to slowly free myself from the burden of the elusive ideal image.